Aaaaahhh…it’s that time of the year again.
May is here…
Apart from December, I guess I can say May is my fave month of the year.
It’s my birthday month!
The few weeks approaching my birthday never ceases to excite me somehow. Not that I’m vain or so in love with myself liddat, but in any other month, I often feel so small…so insignificant…so unimportant…Come May, at least then I get the attention from friends and family that at least makes up for them ignoring me for the rest of the year. (Not really ignore me lah but…not as much attention as I’d like from them. LOL.)
When I tell people I’m the only girl in the family (I am the second child of four siblings and I have 3 brothers) they always seem to respond with: “Really? Lucky you!” to which I would always reply: “Lucky meh?”
When I was a kid, there was this phase where all the girls my age had dolls, or more specifically Barbie dolls, and cupcake dolls (the dolls that can turn into cupcakes) and big big teddy bears…
Everytime I went out shopping with my parents I would beg them to buy me a Barbie doll or a cupcake doll or those big fluffy teddy bears…but since my dad just had enough to make ends meet, they couldn’t exactly afford to “waste” money on toys…so instead of “Barbie”, I got “Cindy” or “Jenny” or whatever-her-name-was imitation Barbie dolls…and when I finally got a cupcake doll…
My age group had moved on to those Polly Pocket miniature dolls that live in compacts or some portable house-thingy.
I guess that’s why when one Christmas, my mom bought me a fluffy white teddy bear that had a red santa cap and red shawl around its neck…that’s was the most precious gift I ever got…that teddy was (and still is!) my dearest possession…it may not be big but it is the. BEST. EVER.
So anyways, being the only girl, I had no one to play dolls with…but I am thankful that my older bro did play masak2 with me last time…hehe…we would pour Twisties into the small toy plate and drink Milo in the miniature toy cups…we also had cream crackers spread with kaya ala “sandwiches”…we even “baked” cakes (mud cake!) and put white sand on top as “icing”…hahaha…that was the good old days…Thanks bro! It meant a lot…=’)
But being around boys, I played Lego most of the time and my bro and I would build lotsa things like church la, rented house la, diner la, fancy cars la, moving caravan lah…macam macam ada…and with each thing we built, we had Mass, had landlord and tenants, had customers, hot-shot drivers and circus people (combined with those miniature toy animals..) hehe…then we would play police and thief or hide-and-seek ala cops and robbers complete with toy guns and walkie talkies…the only thing we really wished we had but never got was those Super Soaker water guns…hehe.
We even “broke into” a neighbour’s empty house after the owners moved and “salvage” whatever “treasure” they left behind. One man’s trash, another man’s treasure right? ;p
Growing up as the only girl really felt lonely at this phase in time – teenage years. When everything suddenly changes in an instant…can no longer go swimming in the river or play in the sea using shorts only like before…can no longer run around the house using shirt and shorts only, must have “additional” garments underneath…can’t really hang out with my bro all the time as before since he was also growing up and has his group of friends and I would be an annoying little sister if I followed them. It was about this time where I wished I had a sister…someone to play make-up with, play dress-up with and someone to talk with about how come so-and-so suddenly looks “cute” or “handsome” when he used to be just another boy…
And around this time also, I had my first real heartbreak…not by a boy, but by a girl…my bestfriend then…then only did I discover that while girls could be all clique-y and “die die must do everything together”, they could also be pretty bitchy and can backstab someone so effortlessly…I guess about that time I was glad I didn’t have a sister cos I would hate to have my own flesh-and-blood do that to me…
Strangely, being the only girl didn’t turn me into a spoilt brat (which is usually the case no?)…in fact, if anything, being the only girl has made me become more independent and stronger than I think I would be otherwise…After my younger brothers were born just 2 years apart from each other, my mom had her hands full so I had to “grow up” and assist her in household chores and not “act like a kid” anymore since I was no longer the youngest in the household. Even before my younger brothers were born, I was already quite independent from my parents. I and no one else would talk to the teacher to pay the school fees, I and no one else would take care of whatever problems came up at school. Heck, when I entered kindergarten my dad just dropped me off and went to work.
Me, in a new environment, unfamiliar faces…but I braved it, and apart from a few teardrops, I made it out alive that first day and the weeks that followed…Even my older brother still had my mom come to school to pay his school fees to his teacher, until Form 3! If I wasn’t independent then I don’t know what is…(No offence bro, but its true maa..;p)
And yet, as independent as I am, there’s always that one thing that I was never “independent enough” to have…a relationship. And this one is DEFINITELY because I was the only girl and I constantly had eyes watching over me no matter where I was…hehe.
I guess being used to handling myself, it wasn’t hard to move on in life…when I entered boarding school in Form 4, that was my 1st home away from home…my family sent me and left for Brunei that same day…and surprisingly, I didn’t cry. I guess my kindergarten experience prepared me for that…I don’t think I was ever really “homesick” like the other students at the hostel. Same thing when I was in Kuching and later Shah Alam…the further I was from my family, the more independent I became… I guess I can say it doesn’t take me long to adapt to a new environment…I guess that one of my best qualities. =) I guess I owe it all to being the only girl then? Maybe…
But whatever has happened in the past, my upbringing, my history…I believe it has all made me into the person I am now…and for what it’s worth, after losing out from all the attention that I crave from my family since I was a kid, they have been there for me when I needed them most…when I wasn’t feeling well, when I needed advice/guidance, at my diploma convocation (THE WHOLE FAMILY came…) and the upcoming convocation on the 26th(another reason why I *heart* May THIS time around)…although it would be cool if the whole family could fly up again, it wasn’t financially viable…but at least my mom and older bro will be there with me…=)
(same as above)
[super fast forward]
Looking back at the past 24 years of my life come this 12th May, I guess I really have grown up to become that Miss Independent “I’m a Survivor” kinda girl, which is why I don’t care much for girls who are damn clueless or bimbo-ish who seem to ALWAYS require assistance…Don’t get me wrong lah…I need help sometimes too…I also want to manja2 and be pampered sometimes too…but I try my hardest to handle things and only ask for help when I really REALLY need it…
But I guess being that way, people tend to look at me and go: “Don’t mind her lah…She can handle it lah…She’ll survivelah…She don’t need help lah…” and thus ignore me as I’ve mentioned above.
(My this is long-winded.)
Anyways, so that is why I *heart* May…
It’s about the ONLY time of year people pamper me with attention and try to make my day truly blissful and wait on me hand-and-foot (not really but I wish they do. LOL.)
So…to the month of May…
May I have lotsa love and attention and pampering which I NEVER get any other time of year…;p
Aaaaahhh…it’s that time of the year again.